this place is a prison... these people aren't your friends...

Sorry, life has been hectic.  But I doubt anyone reads this anyway.  But if you do, please leave some feedback.

So, I've been at my wits end lately.  Everyone at work tells me to grow a backbone.  But they are the problem.  I am stupid to let my guard down when they are the least bit nice to me.  I'm usually a very trusting.  But working with 8 woman and 2 man, it isn't always easy.  And almost everyone at my job has betrayed my trust at one way or another.  And I like to think of myself as perceptive.  Or maybe I am just paranoid.  But once they betray my trust, why do I even bother trusting them again?

I've always been one to leave life at the door.  But when people are nice to me, and all know about eachother... I fell into a very bad place, I guess.

But no longer.  It is time for my to leave my life at the door.  These people aren't my friends.  If I need to talk, I have friends for that.  Not coworkers.  Time to set some boundaries.

Has anyone else has similar issues?  Or am I the only one?  If so, what have you done to separate life and work?

Until next time, enjoy the autumn weather everyone.  It IS my favorite time of the year.

Love and happiness to all.

:)

i'll start this broken heart...

Okay, I Haven't blogged in the longest time (since xanga was popular... before myspace and facebook), so please bear with me. I started writing this blog, and all my thoughts jumbled together, so I went back and itemized 10 reasons why I am here today. And the more comfortable I get with this blogging thing, more layers will peel back.

Age:23

Relationship Status: Married October 3rd, 2009

1. I was sheltered most of my life, and still sort of am...

2. After years of letting myself go, I am very overweight (200 lbs) and hope to lose 70 lbs in the next year.

3. I have friends, and am still very lonely. But I guess that comes with the territory nowadays when you live an hour or more away from most of your friends because you moved towards your husbands hometown. Also, with my other friends married/having kids/in grad school/moving away. Which is weird, because I'm used to making friends wherever go. But I'm so out of my comfort level, and still haven't made local friends after being here what seems like FOREVER. I guess the hardest part is knowing that I'm in the real world now and not everyone has to like you. I wasn't the most popular girl in high school. But people liked being around me. I don't THINK anyone hated me. But life is different after high school. But I miss high school. A lot. I guess everyone does at some point in life...

4. I am the most emotional person I know. I tend to be very happy around others. Unless one on one, where I know sometimes I can lower my shield and let myself be whatever. But when alone, my mood varies. I could be watching TV and one of those animal shelter commercials come on and I bawl. Or laughing at whatever TV show (Dexter, The Vampire Diaries, The Office, 90210, 30 Rock, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, etc.) or blog I'm reading (David Thorne is my favorite humorist at the moment). I find myself getting very wrapped in whatever I'm doing. Which is hard to explain, but I guess I can explain in another blog.

5. Music is probably the most important thing in my life. I guess I like emo/indie/punk/alternative bands. I'm bad with labels.I like Say Anything, Brand New, She & Him, Coconut Records, Hey Monday, The Spill Canvas, Coconut Records, Taking Back Sunday, Death Cab For Cutie, The Postal Service, Her Space Holiday, VV Brown, Maroon 5, etc. Even though I love to indulge in Lady Gaga, Rihanna, Britney Spears, etc. I love that new Willow Smith song, whip my hair. So talented for a 9 year old. But look at her parents!! Of course she is talented.

6. I LOVE quotes. I'm OBSESSED with them. I have journals full of them. My favorite (of the moment). "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."- Eleanor Roosevelt. But, I think that is because I was watching The Princess Diaries the other night and heard it.

7. Even though I am married, I have so many crushes on celebs. (Ryan Gosling, Gerard Butler, Jason Schwartzman, Will Smith, etc) This is normal, right?

8. I love my husband so much. And his family. Which makes me miss my own. A lot. But part of that is out of my control. But that is another blog for another day.

9. I say sorry too much. Always second guessing myself. Making sure I don't say or do the wrong thing. I guess that is how I am at the point I am in life. Need to start caring and worrying about myself. Love all my friends, but I have put my needs on the back burner for so long. Time to get my priorities in order. Getting a good balance of taking care of my needs, and being there for my friends.

10. If anyone knows me at all, they know I'm probably the most quietest, friendliest, least judgemental they know. Why are people so judgemental anyway? No one is perfect. But I think too many people like to think they are.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect by any means. As I heard on some Degrassi episode about a year ago "No one can be sunshine and rainbows all the time" (Alli said to Clare/Claire referring to Jenna). But I do like to think I AM pretty unique.

And I know I can't be the only one with each of these feelings... which brings me here today. I LOVE networking. I find it is easier to talk to people online. Easier to find people to relate you. Compared to real life. It is easier to be on a computer screen and let all your securities subside.

But who knows. Maybe I AM the only who has these thoughts?